?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Wednesday, December 29, 2004
12/29/2004 11:48:00 AM

today i woke up in the morning drowsy...then walked to the basement door to outside de...dunno y also, maybe i wanted to see snow...then once i walked near it...i heard a knock on the door..then my mum said she is expecting Fiona, my childhood friend who is 20..she drives a car..and came to help us move some stuff over to the new house...hehe...

my dad left today...aww..i hugged him in the morning b4 he left, gonna miss him manz...my mum is leaving in abt 15 days or so...then it will turn to independent for me...but still got my bro..so no worries...hehe

anyways, i have bad news for pple in spore that miss me and want me back soon...me may be coming back late by a mth...which means end of july...that depends on whether i can get myself in a public sch here...its gd as i'll be like saving abt 9000 dollars for my parents...cos actually going private sch de...but since i have citizenship here too...i have the advantage of choosing a public sch with those citizens here...

my mum chose the private sch in the start cos she said i can learn better there and the environment will be better..but i dunno who has convinced her, but she now says its better in the public sch...thats y i was like very "what?!!" when she told me whether i'm willing to change...esp when i have a youth basketball competition in mid june...if i come back at the end, i'll already miss half of it...and now they want me go back in july end...its like i'll totally miss the whole thing...=(

but i guess its really abt mature decision making now...so i told my mum, if its better in the public sch, i'll take it...cos i was quite shcoked abt how much they paid for the private sch anyways....but i still have the feeling that i really want to go back earlier..real sorry pple in spore...

but its not confirmed yet lar...cos have to see whether the private sch willing to refund money first lar...and whether i can even get into the public sch....

the advantages is like i can use the 9000 saved...about only 1000 dollars to use for my drum courses for the 7 mths i'm here loh...cos if i'm not saving that money, i dun think my mum will be willing to pay for my courses...=(...thats the only benefit loh...

been talking to shuyu,my bro's friend the whole afternoon abt my future...i just kept on telling him abt my dreams of drums...i wish i didnt...i wish i didnt even tell anyone and just after my university...i'll just pursue it myself silently...its so discouraging to hear pple say..do u think ur talented enough?...i dun think u can make it de...and everything lar...its just my self motivation that helps me carry on...many a time i wanted to give up on this childhood dream of mine...haiz...

today i was kind of cramped with decisions and everything...i couldnt even stop and not think abt them....cos i heard that there's a lot of music schs in toronto canada that can help me get very far in drums...but the best one is university of music over here...its like i need to audition for it....and the gd thing is once i'm able to get in, i'm sure to be known and everyone wants me when i come out...its a dreamy scene that i dun feel i can grasp but i believe that trying and failing is better than not trying and failing myself...

i dun see why pple like my bro can choose the jobfield of being a pharmacisst just be cos it can earn him big bucks...whats the obsession abt money?...why do pple do things for money now?...esp when shuyu said "u must see how much u can earn with that line of jobs b4 u choose risking trying it"...i dun agree...its all abt interest...i rather suffer in my life with the interest i love...than earn big bucks but my purpose in life is doing something i forced myself to like....

everything u do is abt risks, thats what i believe....even pursuing lit...u may not want to be a teacher...u can sell books, the risk is u risk whether investing on such a book u have wrote and risk whether pple will buy it...i rather risk my chances with something i love...

shuyu has no faith in me abt doing well..i can see it thru his eyes...but its not important what he sees...i can fail but i'll keep trying...i dun take up something be cos i know i can do it...i take up something cos i know i wanna do it even if i keep failing...failure is the mother of success....he told me if i wanna pursue in such stuff it will be after a levels, meaning after NS, i'll come to Canada to audition for the university of music...and in this time, i'll have to do alot of part time catching up on drums to ensure myself at least prepared for the auditions...i do hope no matter what, these few mths will not be wasted and i will have courses part time...and when in NS...maybe on saturdays i will have yamaha lessons...no matter what..i'll not put this passion of mine aside..

maybe even if i dun see success in the auditions..i can see go to normal music schs to improve my skills and work towards success..maybe not making it big...but being in bands, being a teacher at a music sch...actually anything to do with drums...then i'll be satisfied already...

anyways, pple in spore, dun worry..even if i end up coming back in the end of june...still remember something...i miss everyone in spore...u only miss me...so if there is any delay...the emotional impact on me will be stronger...so keep smiling k?...but dun forget me wor...i'm very scared once i come back...everybody will turn alien to me..

today i caught "phanton of the opera" in the theatres here...actually there's no much difference of the theatres here in the malls of Canada from spore...the only difference is the popcorn combos are very expensive..lolx...but those theatres that are buildings on their own..have the very western style....very cool and stuff de...how u see them in the theatres and on the screens loh...the theatres of those are nice....

phantom of the opera...a very nice show that i watched for the second time...not really second time, cos the first time was with hazel they all and i was like very tired...cos the last few days in spore b4 i left were very packed and play until siao...so i was like so sleepy in the movies then...missed some parts and couldnt concentrate on the film...and somemore i needed to rush home to pack and still had to meet Caryn cos she wanted to pass something to me b4 i left...so i was definitely in the wrong mood to watch the movie...wanting it to end fast...and i thought it was a normal one hour plus show...but it got to 2hrs...then i just rushed out of the movies to finish everything i needed to do and rush home...or my mum would kill me...cos i was to leave my house at 7:30...when i was still at bugis at 6pm in the theatres...and still had to meet someone at jurong east...which is the longer way back..a few stops lar...

anyways, i still prefer moulin rouge..it rocks manz..hehez..."the greatest thing you can learn is to love and be loved in return"..love the "come what may song",maybe i'll buy the soundtrack cd soon..hehez..

the show phantom of the opera was nice and very sad...i didnt cry or anything lar...cos i'm not the type that cries for movies that are made out to be that way...maybe titanic i did cry lar...cos it gave me a flashback on a scene that really happened ma...but it was like the third time then i cry..hehez...cos the first time i watch the show...i kind of was touched and focused on the love story of it all...=X...lolx...so didnt focus on how actually pple are dying..it was like seeing pple just jump down the boat into the water...not at all thinking that these are lives that are dying and being wasted...

its like maybe i'm getting better with the weather..cos today i didnt feel very cold...or maybe the temp was higher today..hehe...or maybe becos my blood was boiling trying to explain my dream of being a drummer to others...when its a personal thingy that no one will support,esp when it comes to something risky and they dun understand it personally abt how much this passion is burning in me...

nvm..i wont talk abt this anymore..its getting to me...i'll just pursue this as a passion in me...not openly until i have the freedom to do so...

didnt get to play arcade today...but thats not the important point..its like my mum came with us boys to the shopping centre...then everything also must think whether she can come with us...whether she will get bored or anything...cos she's left here with us without my dad le...

the important point is that i said something like "aiyah...just let her wait while we go arcade lar..."...i didnt know that was supposed to mean so much abt how my character is actually like..shuyu was like telling me...u have to evaluate decisions very carefully, cant always think abt myself...think abt having fun...maybe with the peer grps i hang out with...all also want to have fun and stuff de...dun really care abt anything else....so i've become like this...

its always abt me,me and me....i've realised sometimes i'm too pampered...sometimes i'm too stubborn and always want things my way...maybe i gotta do some character changing on this...just an example of how selfish sometimes i am..is like what i said today "i have a basketball game in spore...how can i go back late?...how can i leave later from Canada..i miss everyone"...everything seems to have an "i" in it...maybe its like a natural reaction when u have been training so badly abt the competition that u dun wan to miss it...but on the other hand its like 9000 dollars that i'm talking abt....i didnt really consider that point...maybe in this six mths...its time i grow up to more mature in my making of decisions..cant always be thinking like a child and wanting everything my way..thats too selfish...

its like i can stay childish and everything..but this is one point i cant stay on being like....being so stubborn and wanting everything for the benefit of myself...thats how i see things when things are associated with me...and its my life i'm deciding on...i sometimes overshadow the fact that i can actually affect other pple with decisions i make...

anyways, i'm going to watch another rented dvd now..this time its "sch of rock"...haven got to watch this movie ever since...been longing to watch it...atlast..hehez..k lar.gtg...anything comment k?...the shoutbox is up le..hehez...pen off..=)

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