?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Monday, January 03, 2005
1/03/2005 06:19:00 AM

today is 13th..maybe i'm not superstitious..but it seems yesterday night was a very bad night for me...i quarelled with my mum very badly abt wanting to pursue music...she was like shocked cos i actually agreed to go according to her plans of going into university..after that then go for music..but suddenly i felt a need to stand up for myself..a need to really pursue it as young as possible..i dun wanna waste my youth doing things that i dun wan to do...esp going university and studying stuff i dun wan to....

i know its going to be hard to go against my parents on this...my mum was like telling me "tml i'm going to get ur air tickets...and u are going home boy"...its like so crazy...is she sending me home now?...of course i felt a triumph of happiness overwhelm me lar...but whats the use..thats not the point i came here for..i came here to have an express in my studies...finish a levels fast...but now she sees it as if me doing something stupid...using this advantage to advance into the music industry faster..cos i plan to finish NS then go for pursuing in music..while NS will have courses in yamaha and then have a 6-mth course thingy in laselle...part time lar...during weekends when i book out of camp...

i really want this as my dream..Music...its almost like what i live for...not meaning God is nothing in my whole plan lar...its like i'll reach a point in music that if i am successful..i'm not going into pop or anything..once i can, i'll want to organise a christian band or something to give everything to God...not praise for myself...but to God be all glory...cos i dun even deserve this life or eternity...

its like my mood is quite down now..dunno what to do...DEcisions Decisions Decisions..i wish i just had someone's shoulder to relax my thoughts on...just for someone to hear me out....i just wish that life will go the way God wants it...i've felt something i never felt b4 in my decision to come to Canada..i feel its a wise choice...but i feel i made a wrong choice if all along i wanted music in the long run...haiz...wasted all my parents' money and stuff..i dunno what i want...but if i can choose..i would choose to express a levels here...then go for NS then pursue music..but i dun think my mum is willing to let me study here...she feels like me using this advantage that is so costly to "waste" on pursuing drums in the end...she doesnt see things my way...i think she never will until i prove to her that music is also a career..its not only a passion for part time..but it can be an ideal career too..(i wrote an essay on it for prelims or was it mid years?...)..wanna know the essay?...i type out for u lar...hahaz..just kidding...u will get bored to death..cos its totally personal and stuff...

maybe they are right that its hard to excel in drums..music if singing or dancing is like sure they allow de..but telling them i want to major in drums...everyone will like go "what?"...but who cares..i believe in myself...even if i cant make it big...i will make it small in the world but big in my own world in the sense that i'm satisfied with what i'm doing...i dun wan popularity or aim to win...but just pursuing it and doing what i like...thats more than enough for me...

just like artists...how many really become very popular or become like da vinci?...or really got pple come and buy their paintings de...there are pple that will appreciate..but little make it...but dont these artists still love the way they live their lives?...painting everyday away and just doing what they love?..leading a simple life...i dun see why the world is so obsessed with money...its greed for exact...Greed is a wordly possession..it cant be taken to eternity...ever thought whether u know when u are going to do?..what if u save save save..then end up dying and give to the another person for spending?...

its a false alarm if u guys hear marcus saying that i'm coming back in two days...cos my mum kind of snatched the phone when i was with him and said "dun need talk le lar...always talk talk talk...talk cannot finish one ar?...he's coming back soon le lar...wan to talk..when he come back then u can talk until u happy lar"...obviously in mandarin lar...she's been "roboting" me around since i argued with her..not letting me state my own opinions or anything...she thinks i'm having an attitude problem..when i'm trying my best not to raise my voice or even shout in her face...i dun see y cant she make an effort in understanding what i mean...and why cant she allow me to even say sorry to her for making the wrong step?!..haiz..

i'm very puzzled..very confused..the way she says things...even though i know its not true..its getting to me...it makes me keep rethinking whether i'm making a right choice of music..i know i am..but they keep making me think it over and over again as if i'm killing myself by doing that...i know many that would love to pursue music...but how many dare to take the stand and say i love music...thats my career for life...i know friends that would love to be musicians..but cant even stand firm in their belief of wanting to pursue it..some say they will be my singer while others say they will form band and be my pianist or something...but so many back out in the end...only a few remain..."where's the determination ya all?...where's the dreams ya all?...(where is the love?..hehez..=X)"

my mum was like telling me...wake up my friend...u cant daydream le...what is reality manz?...there's nothing called impossibility...not where God is in the picture...i am a dreamer i admit...i am a freedom lover...i am everything that she thinks i shouldnt be...but i've never wanted to go against her in anything she instructs...its just this, its just my dream...why cant she understand..haiz..

if going back to spore if what she wants me to do..i'll go..but i'm not going back straight for NS as she said..i'm going back to laselle or to a pre-u there...get my a levels...cos some music schs need qualifications...and then go Ns...then pursue music to the end...

i know i'm stubborn...i know i am very demanding in this....but what am i trying to do now?..i am just trying to take a stand...doing a decision i wont regret..its my future...

God, the answer will be left in ur hands...its ur will be done..not mine...but i just still have to tell u..i want MuSIC...pen off...

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