?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
5/23/2006 11:42:00 PM

hey everyone once again...guessing why i'm here when i'm suppose to be back at camp cos my medical leave is over?..guess what..its extended...thank God...cos today rushing to the specialist doctor and seeing him then having to go back to camp would be quite crazy...plus i didnt get gd sleep yesterday night...

okay..i'll get down to detail...

cant sleep these recent two nights just because of one thing...okay..one person...= marcus...okay..some pple will call him my second gf while others may call him my gay cousin...he was staying over at my house these two days...okay..the gd thing was we had supper together...its much more fun having pple at ur house...but not when it comes to sleeping...if u guys know him...u will know he has a damn bad habit of snoring very terribly when he sleeps...

i congratulate his gf Andrea for taking him off the shelf of being single...but if u marry him in the end...gd luck manz...enjoy ur last few years of sleeping soundly...unless u buy urself earplugs...hey..why didnt i think of that...i think i have some in my cupboard...but using them will make me ignore all sounds..which might mean i'll sleep to my max..lol...

okay...his snoring is one thing..but another thing is he has to wake up at this bloody early time of 6 or 7 am for sch,considering that we sleep at about 2-3am...firstly,he wont wake up...and if he doesnt...who is to blame other than the one sleeping next to him...me...whoa..u wouldnt be able to imagine how this guy can make up all kinds of excuses to not wake up and try to delay his wakeup timing...then when its past the timing..he will make an excuse for himself not to go wherever he was suppose to wake up to go...

okay..enough of him...

the doctor saw me again...told him the situation worsened...felt it was very pain compared to the past week...dunno y...he extended my MC...gosh...that was great...and i most probably will donwgrade..so its gd...had enough of xiong army life...had my taste of what i always wanted..and have regretted...so enogh of it...its time to get something more slacking...due to my status in SISPEC recently because of this injury...even if i dun downgrade..i believe i'll not get the combat sector...i cant do it...my butt hurts(hahaz..what a thing to say)...

its real funny when pple ask u where the injury is...is it ur back?...ur waist?...ur legs?...then u shake head to all of them and say its the butt...especially if someone speaking chinese is talking to u..then u reply "piku"...thats damn pathetic...like the doc said "its quite an unusual event that someones hurts his butt in army...not the frequent cases of leg or back...but the butt"...

the cause is most probably my sleeping posture during the night...or guixiang's pathetic logic of "doing it too much"...hmm..i wonder..lol...

okay..the doctor always talks about irrevelant stuff...despite there being patients outside queuing up to see him...the last time he talked 3/4 of the time abt army training in SISPEC...showed extreme curiosity in it...i think he did some office work during his service or was a medical officer i guess...so he doesnt know how it is like...this time he talked about me studying abroad in CAnada...

can u imagine a doctor,during ur consultation of him,suddenly asking "where u planning to study after this NS thingy?"...okay..so he knew i studied in CAnada and i'm going back for university after NS...but he did tinger some thought into me about something..

he said something about me being very decisive on choosing what i wanna study and what are my future plans...its quite true actually...normally teenagers this age will like tell u they arent very sure...see which course they can get in...or the realistic thinking of which course can bring gd future...i chose psychology because of interest...and i know my path...even though i didnt tell him much..but what for?...a stranger like him knowing the wildest dream of mine and thinking i'm crazy and questioning me like i'm insane(the usual response from most pple other than those that dun look down on musicians)...i rather avoid such conversations...

i guess i know mine well cos i know singapore aint the right place for music pursuing...and CAnada...a very gd place to start....all this army life almost made me lose myself to it...

so many times in army,pple tell me the feeling of wanting to always book out back into civilisation and have fun...but always dreading the moments of having to return when ur stay out there is so pathetic...u have limited time..u rush everything...u dunno what to do sometimes...feel so disconnected...and when u rush doing stuff that are suppose to be pleasant and fun...it becomes totally the opposite...plus having the mindset that u have to return to camp soon..it sucks totally...

so many things have happened when i stepped into army..not the things i thought would happen...thought it would be totally fun and a very gd experience but no...my social life has collapsed because of army...depression built up because of it...lack of time to do things i love...like music pursuing in Singapore..and missing so many pple when i'm in there...especially those that i still cant see when i come out...limited time..and plus..i dunno why everyone is busy nowadays too..feel like the number of friends i come in contact with is like 1/10 of the friends i really have...

my social circle is mostly with the pple i stay with daily...my army bunk mates...and u wouldnt want to hang out with them during the weekends...seeing them for every single hour 5 days in a role is enough...when u come out..u wouldnt want to waste ur time on time but on pple u dun see during those 5 days...

how i deal with depression inside is my daily night chats on my hp...like my friends...whether u called the right person and whether it was positive or negative can have a big effect on ur mood and morale for the next day...another way is in my army notebook..i have this paper that i tore off and put as the front of my notebook...called "NS motivation paper"...hahaz...it has loads of motivation philosophies i wrote for myself...and i also have a "Dear God" diary where i air my problems to God thru it...cos i love and have a habit of writing alot...just like this blog...so i destress myself thru it...and sometimes i dunno who to talk to about certain problems...so there it goes...

its hard coping with army...without a gf...erm..maybe i rather not have one anyways,but that will mean sometimes u dunno what to do during the weekends too,if ur friends are all busy...without ur family in singapore...its real sad...my bro's in CAnada...my parents are in Hong kong...i've got to be independent...other than my sis..that relies more on me most of the time...having to cope with her work,her fiancee and her house renovation and upkeeping...okay..so my stay in CAnada did help on something..it made me independent..i'm glad...let me tell u a joke and i'll end off there..

there was this time in tekong...my officer made me write this survey on how i am doing in army..and how is my status as an individual..one question was "is ur family separated?"...haha..i wrote yes...my officer was like "r u okay?...then how r u coping"...but i meant being separated as in physically apart from each other...spread out thru out the world..lol...

okay..i'll pen off here...i do hope pple that come and sincerely have read to "shout" in my box...thanks...seems like the audience this time around seems quiet...or maybe there isnt anyone bothering about this blog at all...=(

yellowcard