?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Thursday, July 13, 2006
7/13/2006 02:44:00 PM

hey everyone...back for another entry....let me not waste time with the introduction and just fly down to updates...

i've been posted to MINDEF(ministry of defence) headquarters)...hahaz...many pple will say isnt that like CMPB(central of manpower base) where pple get registered for their NS term....hahaz...yeah..about there...its an office tower...

so next question...why the heck am i there and what the heck am i doing now that i am there...i'm there cuz of injury...back injury...in case some of u dunno..i got injured during SISPEC(school of infantry specialistS) while training my basic training to lead as a specialist(as many know the rank sergeant and above...just not officer)...i got downgraded because of not being able to continue with the hectic training of heavy loads...physically like running,sit-ups,pushups, all the NAPFA crap i'm still able and well...but as for weights...big problem i guess...cos of overstressing back muscles...

and what am i doing now that i'm there?..helping out with the office...under a lady called Nikki..its an 8am-5:30pm job...unless for OT(overtime)...so relatively,its a gd job...being able to relax and do stuff in the midst of the office most of the time...i just started one day yesterday...so i'm not sure about the occasional outings of having to do photograpy for SAF events or something...cos my appointment or role is labelled "photo lab asst(trainee)"...lol...sounds pathetic as an NSmen to being given this role..but i guess everyone goes thru the same two years..so why do it the hard way..i've had enough of my experience of "Soldiering" that i was always curious about in wanting to do NS..

the weird thing is about how i got myself into this location...its so weird...i remember my stuff saying prayers in SISPEC about why i had to choose to serve NS...remembering my reason of because i want an entry into singapore in future and partially because i always wanted to serve and do tough things...i still love the tough parts...but mentally its torturing...especially the "Staying-in" part but after awhile i got used to it...and accepted my life to be in serving the nation for these two pathetic years...but no matter how...my mails to God had been received and have been answered...from havig two weeks of MC for rest...to being an out-of-course(office work and basically doing anything u want including listening to the radio..hehez) in combat engineers and then now to mindef being a permanent staff that gets to come out to civilisation everyday...

its amazing how God answers prayers...as they say...He answers in three ways.."yes,no or wait"...i guess this was wait...and soon,u asked for it...but i'm glad its not an injury that will cause an effect on me in my daily life...its just very heavy loads...so what the heck..usually in life,when would u need to carry like 8-10 kg or more of stuff?...

love the lifestyle now..not because of being able to slack and being able to look at girls at an environment like this...but because i get to go home everyday and have more chances to do things i wanna do in life during this period even when i am serving...its just like working like my dad...8-5pm...lol...okay but i have to say i worry about my money and my physical commitments to my body....hehez...nvm,have had it all sorted out...its just ur own lifestyle...i dun hav to do basketball or NS daily to keep fit...i've always had the mental discipline of committing at least ten mins to physical stuff daily..no matter where i am...even if i had to do pushups and situps at the staircases of my combat engineer place...cos i cant be caught doing so in my conditions...even though truly its just loads i cant take...but its better not to show them how much i can do...in case they think i'm faking...no explanations will do...

about love...come to a conclusion that even if i like some particular girl...i wont choose to go serious or be with her..its just too much commitments that i know i cant keep to...i have a load of big decisions to make in the future..i dun wan a girl to be affecting my decisions and being in the way of my bigger commitments in life...like choosing to serve God 24/7...be in a band...choosing CAnada over singapore...choosing which university to go to...and eventually maybe even having to choose single over being attached...

i've come to a point of realising so many things of myself i only jokingly thought was true...like maybe wanting to stay single for life...many think i cant...even myself...i think sometimes i just like everyone else feel wanting to be loved and wanting a relationship to know there's always someone there to be with,sharing mental and physical pains with...okay b4 u think too far..physical meaning to do with the world and human affairs...

thought of this philosophy of mine...being in a relationship is like a caged-up bird...the cage symbolising the commitment and time to give to that someone..having to give up the freedom to fly out and interact with anyone or anything,to only entertain the owner and maybe the friends of the owners that drop by to feed(interact) or admire("oh thats her bf")....and having a circle of friends that are only allowed to see me when i'm set free from the cage when the owner(my gf) and going out with other birds(friends) with an imaginary divider that blocks access to really understand that other person too well or even end up liking that person more than the person u chose...and coming to a conclusion of asking "how do u know there's not someone out there thats more compatible with u than the one u have chosen?"...maybe pple can give me answers to this question...but for now,i keep it there as a question mark that only can be answered by God thru revealing someone into my life thats worthy of losing everything i have when i am single for her...

maybe i'm just not cut out for commitments to just one girl...not meaning i'm flirty...many pple see it that way...its just that i get easily bored of something if i have had too much...even guy friends...my closest guy friend..my own cousin,marcus...i had 7 days with him in hong kong...it was totally cool..at least i thought it was...cos we're gonna spend so much time together and have fun at the same time...but on the 6th day...at hong kong's disneyland...i came to a point of not being able to stand him anymore...especially when shopping everyday took up so much strength..and there was a packed schedule the next day...meaning i have to wake up at this certain time..which sometimes meant not sleeping enough...

i'm the worst when it comes to not being able to handle myself when i have had not enough sleep or when i tire out..u will see a whole different side of me...okay..back to being angry with him at disneyland...to a point of even arguing about directions and how to walk..then walking our own ways...each insisting each's directions would be a faster trail...so we tried our own ones...sometimes because of pride as a guy not even admitting that one's directions was wrong...and then arguing again..and the list goes on...u get what i mean right?

i guess its hyperactiveness and being so enthusiastic about many things in life that causes me to tire off quite badly after a long day...but i'm glad i'm made this way...instead of some pple that get enough sleep...enough rest...and never even do much...but already tired liao...thats quite sickening...showing how weak and lazy u r...

and if anyone has looked at the time i blogged this thing...okay..u wont get the exact time i started...but the exact time i ended...so minus 20-30mins off that timing and u will get roughly the time i started...and the 20-30mins is roughly the time i use to enter a blog entry...not forgetting in Canada being able to use up to an hour...

i think my skills has dropped in trying to attract pple to my blog entries to wanna read on..maybe its because of my openness in sharing my life in the entries is too generalised and not direct...especially when i prefer to keep my daily life summarised and not directly disclosed and told about...in Canada,i could just say...but in Singapore...where most u readers are...i rather not talk about it...nothing interesting to talk about either...not like in Canada...where many of u readers never even looked at photographs at...can tell u interesting facts about it...reading blogs of friends that talk about their singapore lives as if we readers are not from the country itself..is quite pathetic...emphasizing on all the details of the landscape...i rather say what i've done...

okay..then i'll speak of why i am now at this time at home blogging...because i'm down with a flu thats gotten serious a few times in the past few weeks...taken periodic medical leaves from work,or u can say national service..=X..got a nose blockage in which has caused me to mostly sleep with my mouth breathing and on occasional breaths from the mouth...its a cold and a bad cough that has lasted for like one mth that i've contracted...one mth not really caring abt the cough...cos its not serious but its on/off...today went to the doc and she said i have to go for a lung screening or some analysis...cos one mth le...might cause damage to the lungs or something...

okay...i'll stop blogging for now..wanted to move on to one more issue...but nayz...too much for u readers...i'll stop here...carry on tml or something...cya guys...God bless...and especially,thanks for reading =)

yellowcard