?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Friday, September 22, 2006
9/22/2006 02:25:00 PM

hey everyone,back for another entry...firstly,i wanna thank all those that have come to my blog to take a look once in awhile...even if it means once a month..i'm honoured to have ur speculation...=) and those that show their presence by shouting in my box...thanks manz...at least i know i'm not writing this blog for me,myself and Cliff...=) for those that have a problem shouting in the box...i do apologise...its system failure i guess...i've tried shouting sometimes and cant get across to u all too..if u cant,just try again another time lo..

have my own email account in MINDEF le...but dun ask me whats my email address there...its only usable thhere as the internet there is not the normal one..its called freaking "Intranet"...so cant send emails out like usual..but only to pplein the system..okay...since i've been advised not to tell others outside SAF too much about whats inside...i'll abide..even though actually i dun give a damn..but saving my ass is important i guess...especially disclosing in blogs about SAF...can go to jail for it...i rather not even talk abt SAF...its no big deal anyways...

anyways,life's been gd...my lifestyle is really simple now i guess...just hanging out with friends most of the time,church,muay thai,work(MINDEF)...thats all i guess...even have lost the flow of music in my bloodstreams...i really wanna resurrect that spirit...but been pretty dry lately..and i'm quite lost about what to do...norman(my vocalist) and i have a problem finding pple for the band..while i cant stand how he drags things and not take things seriously...he's someone i really can say "talk is cheap" manz...can say something..but never do it..

for now,i'll just put music pursuit aside...not saying i'm putting away my music learning and upgrading of skills aside too..NEVER manz...but thats all for now...until i can really find true pple to form a band thats dedicated and "dreamful"...

love-wise....i guess i'm still trying to get rid of the 10% of love i've left for her...its like been one year...she's attached...and i'm just left to rot and get over this 10% that will just not go away...its just dreadful...maybe many of u have felt it b4...but to someone like me that hass the mindset of "i only like someone one-sidedly,while i only love someone that loves me too"...and obviously this someone is deeply in love with someone else le...

i'm very sure i know the reason i broke up with her was not only because i couldnt handle a long-distance relationship but also cos i knew there was something missing in her that i really needed...that's religion...she's a "just be there in church" catholic...while i'm a "24/7" christian...okay..i know i have my flaws..but i do try...i'm human after all..but thats not an excuse...

but maybe needing such a long period to get over her may be due to the fact of how i gave my heart to her in love...arguing to my parents that she was who i wanted for life...who i wanted to marry...and wanting to shout from a mountain top and everywhere i go that "i love her"...it was just crazy...i dun think she even loved me as much..maybe only 3/4...but who am i to judge...i was the one who dumped her in the worse situation of being alone in an environment she had to adapt to without parents...nvm..just in case she reads this...i'll stop...

talking so much abt it is due to the fact of how much i think abt why i choose to be single and love being single now...freedom may be a big part of it...not having to be accountable to anyone maybe another part of it...but i have a feeling that there's a huge reason behind it that i'm denying to accept...living in self-denial...cos i'm not naturally one that doesnt like relationships...i really love being in a relationship when its with the right one..but so far,the so-many relationships i have had...no matter short or longer abit or even just flings or infatuations...i only had one that i cant forget and really have no doubt it was love..and it was this one...

now i may say i want to be single..but once in awhile,usually i pity couples as they have to go thru so many storms and the guy not having the freedom to be like me,but really...once in awhile,i do get jealous and envy how they can go thru life together...and have one another to rely on for refuge or even for comfort..lik ehwat they say "when one falls,the other helps him/her up"...its not so much abt childish jealousy of saying "i want a gf too"...but more like "how sure am i that singlehood is whats really for me"...but at least for now..it is..i only want to get attached in university...the stable part of life and the place where i wish to live in future - Canada...

university is the most ideal time to have a relationship...now i understand why so many adults only allow us to have a relationship and approve of it when we're 18 or 21...18 maybe due to u being in poly...but i think 21 is better...cos after poly..the NS period is real hard to manage as a couple...why go thru such a period if u can avoid it...and why 21?...tell me whats the age u wanna get married?..only..if u tell me 21...okay...go ahead and have a relationship at 18 or even 15..cos the years to go by as a couple b4 marriage is less...but imagine if u tell me 26-30 for girls or 28-32 for guys(which is the normal case in such a generation..mostly 30s also can)...then why start so early...even if u start at 21..and u want to get married at 30 if u r a guy...its like so long later lar...imagine dating for 10 years b4 getting married...

maybe some of u will say "thats romantic"..but how long can u keep up with the relationship...okay..lets not even talk abt being divorce later...but after 10 years...u can even manage 10 years relationship..not even talking abt marriage...its really hard to keep it fresh and everything..usually pple just date for 3-5 years then get married le lo...so plan for urself ba...not forgetting that u must be financially stable with a gd job at hand b4 getting into a relationship..unless u want to live off ur parents or the other party...

i think to me,to have a relationship at 21..i still can afford a few more b4 finding the one...i've set a standard for myself...to try to just have only two more serious steads...one being the one i marry...so i wanna take my choice of girls on a very careful scale b4 even stepping into a relationship with them...cos 21 is still so young...i wanna get married late 20s...not too old..i dun wanna hit 30 plus...maybe 30 is the most i'll go without marriage...okay..but who am i to decide that..lol...

yeah..just to sum it all up...ur parents do say things that are sensible to u at a young age..knowing u will deny it until u grow more mature and older...but at least u will remember "hey...no wonder my parents told me that"...an example is like ur parents tell u not to smoke...while being a stubborn and stupid teenager...u will try...then when u regret...u will remember the words of wisdom from ur parents and say "why didnt i listen to them in the first place"...

real maturity is only when u come to know how childish u have been...and coming to know that u have a lot of years to go b4 u become a matured adult and not arguing to others abt how mature u r when they say u r not...and also maturity and sensibility is only when u come eye to eye with how ur parents say things...unless they are unlogical ones lar...lol...

okay..i'll pen off here...just needed to take off some thoughts from my mind and share it with those interested readers...thanks for reading...=) God bless...

yellowcard