?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Thursday, January 18, 2007
1/18/2007 05:31:00 PM

hey everyone..must be wondering...wow...Cliff u finally shorten the period between ur posts in ur blog...but nayz...cos i'm bored..and rather than like surfing online and doing rubbish...maybe i rather air my thoughts in my head to pple that actually are reading this...

i'm in office now...okay..last week was a bad week..the weekend was gd but not gd enough to get me up and ready for this week...was a tiring many weeks since the year started...

okay..what i do in my office...8-5pm and most of the time pass the timing cos of visits..i'll elaborate of visits more later...its more like i'm a Clerk in the office...making someone's job in the SAF as a regular easier..okay..this is my story..

started off in NS in jan 2006...after taking like 6 mths off for holidays since my return from Canada...broke with her(Clara whom i met in Canada,but actually stays in Singapore too) in like Sept 05...it was a very drastic thing to have done but i guess i know why now...cos i dunno what i want in a girl and i cant get settled so soon...i wont be satisfied.

back to the story,always drifting away from the main point..no wonder my concentration and focus aint very gd...wandering off..like how i am doing now again..back to the story..wentinto NS...with mindset of "yes..i'm gonna be a man soon and become tougher and national service is gonna be fun..cos i love challenges in life and i love fitness and to become a soldier...not everyone has tthat experience..."...but little did i know that it aint that fun after all...

i wont even start abt talking abt the SAF...it was a disappointment to me..but anyways,just two years..and byebye singapore..off to studies...

came in NS.started BMT (basic military training) with the leadership batch...those from the JC batch..being one year younger than the norm..but physically not any lousier than them..but mostly even better than most of them...

once i started out,i aspired to be an officer..tried everything possible to do my best and even pressured myself on every obstacle when missing home and my parents were already more than enough to handle...cos if u know how i am...parents went HK for permanent job one mth b4 my NS...broke up with a gf i truly loved 3 mths b4 it...then my bro's in Canada studying for University...while my sis is in Singapore and engaged...going to get married soon..but already has a house with her other half...and rarely do i even see her...especially when real NS only lets u come out like on weekends only..

had this desire to let expose myself to music in Singapore and get out there to share my music too...auditioned for so many bands..but none suited me...the only punk band that liked me and i loved them..was kinda racist and going into metal..so it was like quits for me..

abt being an officer...to the end of the BMT course in pulua tekong..my officerdid ask me why i was aspiring for it...i may have gotten it due to my gd performance and stuff...but i answered him in a purposeful manner of rejecting it "for the money Sir"...cos officers get paid alot per mth...like 1000 dollars?..a sergeant only 700 dollars...while a normal NSF in army..like 400 500....

but i knew it was not for me..i didnt like the idea of NS...felt like really why did i want to do it so badly in the first place...but i dun think its a matter of choice..no wonder its called National Service..its service u dun volunteer for..but its a requirement for all citizens...whatever that means..

so i didnt get to officer cadet school(OCS)...but got into SISPEC instead...School of infantry specialists..which just means sergeant course lar..okay...so my mindset changed..in BMT..i wanted to do my best for everything..cos it might mean a chance for going to OCS..but when i ended up in SISPEC...like not here and not there...really..in NS...either be at the bottom and listening to instructions only..or the top,giving instructions...dun be in the middel when u have to listen and u have to give..its like a bit of both worlds..

but nvm..i got my CORPORAL rank...two stripes compared to sergeant's three stripes...and i went out of course...due to an injury..okay..this injury doesnt affect me in real life...cos when do u have to carry like 20-30kg of stuff on ur bag..for no reason at all...so ya..but it does hurt when i carry stuff for too long..

i went out of course after the First Phase of the sergeant course..was quite disappointed cos i went thru all that stuff in SISPEC and only to be a CORPORAL..a rank pple can get surely after like 1 and a half years of serving..but i got it in 6 mths lar...but to still not get the three stripes u were aiming for..it was saddening..

but also as much as i wanted to continue and not care abt my back pain...pple advised me and talked sense into me that health comes first..dun waste ur future for NS..NS is only two years..serve it and not get injured in the process...its not worth it..

yeah i guess so...so i got downgraded..and now i'm in MINDEF "Ministry of DEfence"...okay..i wont elaborate abt the place..in case its security stuff i'm elaborating abt...but its really an office building where civilians go to..and mostly are regulars that sign on...so as a CORPORAL..i'm like the highest ranking NSF (nation serviceman full-time) here...cos only sign ons can get ranks sergeants and above here...unless on rare issues..

being a Clerk is alright..what was so sucky about my week last week?..i got scolded like hell when ya...forgot..i'm like most of the time going out there being a "professional photographer"...thats what the department wants me to portray myself as...no professional training..no proper upperstudy to teach me how to take photos...cos my upperstudy upgraded to a officer exempt once i came in...and all photographer which was actually secondary to me..became my primary concern...

without all that..they expect me to just take the camera and go out there and take brilliant photos..and have to be responsible for every shot..i'm not a photo person..in fact..i hate taking photos...dun even talk abt snapping shots..to pose me for a photo is hard enough..unless its gonna be a fun one..hehez

okay...so its visits that i take care of..like generals and high ranking officers coming from other countries to have relations established with our generals...then i'll have to be there following them almost everywhere they go..and taking photos for them...

sounds easy right? pple will like say..pathetic..u serve NS and u are taking photos?..so slack ar...but ur wrong manz...i thought so too at the beginning...until last week..

it was this closing ceremony..if u watched the news..there was this brunei service chief..those with stars on their ranks..like generals..in our country..its called Chief of army,navy or Airforce lar...he came...the last event on the list was this closing ceremony where a parade was involved...

i had to take very crucial photos...and i did take them...just that at the end of the thing..when i returned home..i realised "i did not put any memory card in to store the photos!!!"...pathetic right...

okay..i wanted to keep quiet abt it..but i knew i shouldnt..so i told my sergeant abt it...i didnt want it to be covered up..so i owned up to him abt it..asking him whether it was important and that i did not use any memory card..so the photos were just taken and then erased automatically...cause there is this stupid setting that allows u to say yes or no to the setting of "take photos without memory card"...

so u cant blame me..i do check whether i take gd photos after every shot..but the problem is..it displays and previews the photos after every shot even without the memory card with this setting set to yes...but straight after..is not in memory anymore...

my sergeant was like "actually.i also lazy to develop..."...then i was like "pheww"...thinking since he said that..it shouldnt be very important...but the next day..he didnt cover up well..the officer in charge pressured him..and he revealed everything abt me...why didnt he let me do it myself...cos i really didnt want to cover up..or else why would i even own up to him..haiz..

got into alot of trouble..and the whole office knew when i came back today..cos since start of the year..always running outside taking photos for the many visits this month is packed with...

i hope to get back my reputation..and i have to earn it back..its like bad enough to be on the neutral list at the beginning..but now in the black list...i have to do very well b4 i can get out of that..my aspiration this year to leave SAF with a lasting gd impression on those that i work with..no matter who...and to think they also know i'm a christian...i'll show them that its because i am one that i'll be better than anyone else for the job...to do my best...

guess it was a wake up call..cos ever since i went into SISPEC..i didnt give a damn abt anything more abt SAF...cos i was quite disappointed abt the posting to be a sergeant..but i knew it was the impression i gave my officer in BMT that i wanted to be..since i didnt want to be an officer..with all the responsibilities and the patriotism...and didnt want to be ordered around like a dog and still lead as a leader..that was perfect for me...

while i didnt like getting trapped up with no freedom in NS..i guess God knew what was right for me..and what i wanted..the freedom to go home everyday..and the freedom of still having a life out there...while being in an environment where i can learn stuff that i may be able to apply strongly to my future..like public relations,politics in an office,people relationship,responsibilities and really a working environment...having to be at the bottom of the food chain..serving and humbling myself down...i guess thats what i need..have too much pride and stuff..MCP u will call it...Male Chauvinist Pig...

okay..thats all i gotta say for now i guess...thanks again for all those patient dudes and gals that really care abt what i say to have read all the way here..=)

take care...pen off..

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