?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Thursday, January 11, 2007
1/11/2007 09:30:00 PM

hey guys..back for another entry...Why?..cos..too much thinkings going into my brain..i know i can never finish saying what i want to say and abt whats going on with the storm in my brain...cos this blog entry will be too bloody long..it may not even stop or even have a definite length if i went on...but i guess..getting rid of some of them once in awhile is gd...while most of the time,have no one to tell such nonsense to...

something abt me i found out is that i dun have no best friend..no one that understands me totally or anyone who totally just knows whats going on with my life at any point and every point...maybe i'm just scared...dunno scared abt what also lar...but i just like to have this personal part of me thats kept secret and that pple shouldnt know fully abt..its scary when one does..ya...i wont talk abt someone who does..other than God...cos there isnt..but if someone insists he/she does..thats scary...

maybe i just dun like confining myself to just one person....okay..its true..its not playboyish...but really..there's a part of me that gets bored of my gf once in awhile...but it goes away oonce i re-realise why i'm with her and why i chose her...okay..b4 minds wander..i dun hav a gf....okay..that gets to another issue...thats gd...cos i should skip topic now...and this is also a topic...cos pple say i dun like talking too much in detail..i can talk alot..but skim each topic and go on...never into details..but alot of topics concerning that topic...but not into that topic itself..or any of the topics itself...get what i mean?...=P

i dun hav a gf...maybe to me,its cos ya...no one will love a boy like me...thats true to a certain extent..cos if u disagree with me...u only can give examples of girls that really really like me...but whether they are truly in love with me...thats another question...and i can tell u...NO...cos its true...if there was...among the serious gfs i had...i wouldnt have given any of them up..but i dun regret doing so...cos i do need to get back to reality and meet reality and God that tells me that they're not for me...

but no...thats to me...to others its like i dun wan a gf...i dunno y i dun wan one...maybe i'm scared to commit and have to report to her abt my daily life...maybe thats scary to me...but i guess its more because i dun wan to hurt the girl...cos its gonna either be because i'm not sure what i want...or because some stupid reason lik "freedom" that i'll give it up...maybe i really need to learn the meaning of "true love" first...

but really..who out there really understands what its abt...maybe all we christians do when we live in admiration of God's love for us...but i guess its really hard to learn to love that way...or maybe i've just not come to a stage that i'll give my heart out to someone..its all crushes and stuff only..

okay..maybe this blog entry is boring u all..cos i'm like saying stuff that i just want to say..regardless of whether u all wanna hear...okay ya...this is what a blog is about..just saying stuff u wanna say...and if pple r interested in ur stuff..they read..if not...just press the X sign at the top right corner of ur screen..it will do wonders...=X

but ya..the main idea of this is that i'm bein paranoid..and thinking too much..i dunno y...i can just go on forever if i want to...just feel very lost..but i dun know why..my life was going almost perfect...maybe thats when u fall...everything was nice...and because of nothing at all now..i feel disturbed..feel seriously problematic..but guess what..i'm figuring whats the problem...

been like talking to pple i've not talked to for long..just saying i miss them...dunno y..i just feel this sense that there's so much to be done..but so little done..and i just cant wait to get out there and do something..but i just have to wait..i just have to wait for the right timing...

yeah..its abt music again...its abt christianity too...sometimes u wish u could do more about both of them...especially when i'm trying to combine them both now..i mean i have this thinking:

whats the big deal about secular/worldly music...it sends a message out..it does make pple respond...but it sometimes even influences...yeah..music is a strong thing...it can heal,it can affect,it can influence..it can even describe how a person is..especially from the music he listens to...it really does...if u notice..

wordly music fades with time...and it does send a message abt how u feel...but there's so much more to us than this world alone...i dunno abt u guys,but i'm not willing to just die after everything i've done on this earth...i dun need to be remembered..but i need to make an impact to pple that changes their lives...not for the needy or what...the problem with the world sometimes is that...who says the people that are in need are in need of money...or love from u...how long can these last...what abt an everlasting gift that will ensure that they live each day...smiling no matter what...

let me ask u...does anything on earth even give u the satisfaction of being fulfilled?...dont u always feel there's something in ur soul that feels empty...dun ignore that feeling...if u have eyes..open them properly...cos u r not seeing properly if u dun realise something...while u arent living if u dunno what ur living for...dun give urself an excuse of it being just fate that things happen...or just being a scientist to find out what this world is about..when its more than this world that u need to know about...

i dun believe in MOther nature or whatever u think that does not exist that made this world..if u look carefully...its more than just a person that created all these lovely things in life...just admire nature and everything in the world...only something perfect can make something as perfect as these...while there was once this man..its true...check it up if u dun believe me....HE came...died on the cross...for our sins...and He's really what this life is about...

we christians dun live happily with satisfaction because of nothing..but its cos we found whats more than this life...and really...without a reason to live...there's no point in living..u r living but u arent living...if u get what i mean...

ya.this is whats my blog is abt...whether u like it or not..pple can condemn it for being so christian based..but yes..thats how i am..accept it or not...

my blog is abt how i feel...and thats part of it...

about being paranoid..i guess there's no use in thinking abt how to resolve it...cos thats really whats paranoia abt...thinking too much..if i'm already paranoid..i have much to think abt..what more think abt the problem itself...the only thing i can do is try to understand myself more..and maybe somehow i might discover a different side of me i never knew...

i'll pen off here..thanks for reading if u did manage to get here..i appreciate it..=)

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