?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Tuesday, August 21, 2007
8/21/2007 10:23:00 PM

hey guys. got so much to talk abt related to feelings. sometimes i do pity pple that read this blog to have to endure all the true feelings of myself stated in this blog. but like they say, the more vulnerable u are with whoever, u more u show u want to let the person in on ur privacy. and in this case, i'm letting my blog and the pple in about my privacy.

but its really scary knowing that i put this email add on my msn nick. and pple that just get to know me, know my true feelings and everything. even though i do only blogging like once a month. but its the true me i state out. it might surprise many cos i do not really show this side of me in my normal life.

was thinking about my social life and stuff. NS has made it bad by letting me meet mostly guys in my term. and especially guys that only play games and most of the time talk about them too. i do feel like a social outcase sometimes. but i know deep in my heart. i dun like games and i dun care whether i'm accepted in terms of their opinion. i'm just not gonna risk myself getting addicted to a game, which means to the computer and cause my social life to worsen more.

used to always be someone that socialises alot. and loves to do so. but a real social butterfly either has a strong confidence and is himself that attracts other pple to him or is someone that acts like someone else to please others and to be the person pple like him to be. i'm more of the 2nd now. used to be the 1st.

and the effect came all the way from (dunno how many times i've said this) the day i broke with her. and in a few mths she went on with her life. i didnt know it would affect me so badly by plainly doing that to me. and i didnt realise the hurt subconsciously made due to that action of her moving on so fast and much much b4 me.

like how bad could that be. u broke with a girl and now she's not pestering u and gotten over u and moved on with her life with another person? isnt that the perfect scenario that u can move on too? but maybe its the worse case scenario due to the fact u haven at all gotten over her. u just stuffed the undealt with stuff under the blankets and thought they would be solved themselves.

it really affected me quite badly. ever since then, i know many many girls i've dated and it was only a one date thingy and i backed off. and during the date, i wasnt being myself. most of the time i was struggling with trying to be myself. which to me is what really attracts a girl. showing ur true self to her. but i've never been able to.

now i'm strugging with personal identity. and whats more? my dreams are being shaken too.

yeah. so much with the "daretodream" thingy. i dun mean i've given up the dream. but everyone in it with me. not only musicians but everyone that believed in a dream coming true even though its very farfetched and dared to dream big have given up. just like how pple say they will stay single cos they like it that way and believe they're too young for a relationship give up that perspective and enter a relationship, leaving me "staying single" by myself. its a hard struggle believing in things pple do not believe in or even many gave up believing on.

can say that my life is quite screwed. have to really fix everything here and there. gonna be easier said than done. gonna be so so hard to do. but like my dad said, "what a man's gotta do, a man's gotta do". random remark.

okay. when ur pessimistic, dun brood over it too long. gets no better. just write everything down or just say everything to someone and go on with life dealing with it. many pple like to push everything under the blanket and think things are solved that way. but i'm not one of those. i rather solve things. either be solved or gotten rid of. or else life doesnt go on unsettled.

and thats what i'm gonna do. pen off.

yellowcard