?Â¿? DaR3 To DrEaM Â¿?Â¿

Thursday, March 20, 2008
3/20/2008 08:40:00 AM

hahaz.. cant believe i'm starting this blog entry with laughter. but yeah. its a joke when i see how long i've not been using this blog. but once in awhile, i check back to see whether any posts are done here. just for memories i guess. but two reasons that i'm blogging again, one :- cos its on my msn nick...and two :- cos i'm in Canada....yup. unexpectedly earlier than what i expected. and those that missed out on my life and about why i'm here now, doing what...dun worry. thats why i'm updating. been procrastinating, but really. its not easy coping here and stuff and still wanting to blog.

just love it here. winter was in its high end when i was here. with the last waves of snow storms and stuff, some pple hate it, but for me...its something some countries will never get. so i'll count my blessings. even though i cant wait for summer to come at the end of march. =X

been here for about a month or so now, okay b4 i go into that...

my reason for leaving instead of the agreed upon june or july, was because i wanted to up my marks in high school, so that i have better chances upon getting into the university i always wanted to get in. but to say it with the truth without explanation or elaboration, i got rejected by the university. mainly because my math mark in high school was a pathetic low of 55 marks. which pulled down my overall average(which they consider in university) from a high 80s all the way to 70s.

okay..sidetrack, 90s are for either scholars, pple that mug alot, or are generally the smartasses or geniuses, while 80s are the realistic, but i have to work very hard, marks that i can get. cos i never really did well in studies in singapore. two reasons: no discipline, and lazy. cant deny that. =P

so i got a bunch of low 80s with some nearing 90s. and had my math mark terribly low. which i thought was the only thing that pulled me down. but later when i came here and looked at my diploma(an A level degree equivalent) for grade 12 and saw that my geography was a low of 60s too. guess i should have thought of it that way. because one, i've never been good at that. two, if i cant do well in singapore, what makes me think i can do better in Canada? and three, i skipped like 13 classes. which at that time, meant 12 or more classes skipped, can disallow u from taking the final exam, which contributes to 30% of ur final mark. but yea, the teacher was nice. but in this time, in pathetic Bronte College of Canada, it means being asked for detention 13 times or getting suspended maybe thrice. but attendance did contribute to a certain amount of marks in the grade.

okay. so yea, here i am. back to the same pathetic high school. and same place, and u know whats even more pathetic? the school term is like two times slower and prolonged. from being less than 3 months. to being 6 months now. so its like taking two semesters that i did the last time. starting earlier as a semester. and ending later. cos last time it was from med march to mid june. now its from start of feb to end of june. which is like redo-ing my whole high school period, just that i'm only doing two courses instead of six. which in this semester, its like doing two instead of three, at a two times slower pace. i'm not complaining because its more relaxing that way, but its time-consuming. and my mindset is like "i'm just here to take my courses, i can get to know a few friends, but i dun wan to belong to the school, my time is over" and those four last words, are usually what i say to those i know in the school now. that i've been here 3 years ago. and i'm still here now. because of math.

but its okay..the thought of redo-ing that math course was crazy to me when i was in singapore,preparing to come over. but a blessing in disguise was, they dun hav that particular course anymore. maybe its just named something else : "advanced geometry". but yeah, i didnt have to take it, cos according to the demands of myself taking "psychology" or any other arts course in university of toronto, i just needed one math, but i've already done two and the other one i got an eighty for it. basically because it was like kinda of a creative math thingy, which is not so science(the dead thinking of using formulas to problems, which artsy pple hate, because at least to me, formulaes dun work for all situation, and i believe there's always an alternative and differing situation).

okay. so i'm here, the courses i'm taking are law and music. not "law and music", those definitely dun go together. to me, music is diverse. there's no hard and fast rule to it and its a means of expression, so it can be anything. thats what improvisation is to me. and those that say this chord has to go with this one or whatever, dun talk to me. i beg to differ.

as long as it sounds right. its fine. but still, rap aint music. its just a jumbling up of words, that are said in a manner, that sounds nice. they just make use of music, to make it sound nicer. and acceptable. they dun even rhyme or sound right sometimes. but i guess thats diverse too. but not in a way i can relate to.

okay. so i'm here, doing law, and music. law because i think its interesting to know how pple define it, and true enough, there's no definition for it. at least what i'm taught and believe it. and its ironic, because u can twist it. and the babbling of justice, what is justice? i cant define that too. diff pple have diff concept of it. and yes, law is based on majority. but still, like how the blacks came out with Martin luther king's "i have a dream" thingy and battled the fight, who says majority wins? and who is majority when there's the power to influence. and how do lawyers fight on the side that is wrong? and still make the person innocent. thats amazing. and at the same time, ironical about law being justice done.

and music, i'm doing it because yeah...dun have to say it again. but i will. cos i love it! and yeah, even though my theory obviously cant make it, but i worked my way thru the drums and my symphonic background. and my passion to learn, which is passion only for things i love alot and mean alot to me in my life. Music and God. i guess thats my reason to everything about my choice of dreams, gf, decisions, etc....

and yeah..i dunno what grade, i mean piano grade or theory grade i'm doing, but i'm self-learning it. not the best way to go about it when i have pple in my class that know at least the piano. but yeah, it will do good to me in the years to come, when i really pursue music. so its something, no matter how hard, i'm gonna learn.

and one of the tests was memorising composers and title of songs. its not like it was songs that i'm familiar, oh my, how much i wish it was rock, but no...it was classical, symphony. all the sonata songs. but yeah, i made it thru with full marks, not because i know at least a few of the songs like the rest, but mainly because i was hearing out for instruments and different kind of melodies, tempo and intros to differ them. and it was not just a few songs. it was like a CD. 15 songs. so okay, now i know more classical songs. but, so what? =X unless i want to go to sleep with them.

and thats abt school. but its not that bad, starting school at 10am, and ending it at 1pm. and that includes lunch from 1230-1pm. so ya. like two hours of class everyday. seems fine to me. until today, that my teacher is leaving, and they are changing one of the one hour periods to 3-4:30. which is gonna suck. gonna extend my hours from 3hours to 5 hours in school. okay not so bad like the teacher comforting me with "then u have more time at school, u can use the library to study"...yeah..but i rather do it at home. okay i didnt say that. but i wish i did. i just gave her the "i'm in no position to say anything anyways" when she asked me whether i'm okay. but ya, its true in the rights and freedoms of a man, that u can speak ur mind, and in CAnada, even more so, but i guess there are situations that its harder to keep silent than speaking up, but for the greater good.

so other than school, my youth fellowship here. not really mine, but yeah, its the university's one. the one my bro created in the last few years, okay. more like God used him for it. but really, its been very influential on me ever since i've been here. being able to pray out loud, learning to take courage to pray out loud in a group everytime they say "we'll just use this time to pray, and if the Holy spirit touches u guys, i hope for two or three people to pray out loud, before i summarise in prayer for all of us". and yeah, most of the occasions, i challenge myself to be that someone. because it takes great courage to lead, and even greater courage to pray, and even greater greater courage to pray in a language you're not as good in. which to me, has been mandarin.

but the funny thing is, i'm so used to mandarin now, even when i speak english on a daily basis now, its like i find myself stuck finding the right words to use. maybe cos true, my church in singapore uses chinese, which a big part of my life is involved in, and my buddies in singapore, use chinese too. so yea, naturally, only with my gf recently, have i used english more. and now, Canada. but yea, with her, i can switch b/w both most of the time.

the yf here is called ccf. Chinese christian youth. its on campus in the university, which i'm yet to be in yet. i guess i've been to quite a few things that are university stuff, that i'm not officially in yet. like the korean CM2007 last year. hahaz... but yea, i can look the part, so i'm alright.

so yeah, we meet on tuesdays for the full chinese thingy, so only those that know chinese, i mean mandarin, will come for it. and yeah, fridays for the english one. because its amazing how much of the ccf doesnt know mandarin or any chinese dialects at all. but come for it. so yeah, we have to use a language everyone knows. which is, English. and yeah, in my church on sundays, there's mandarin and a translator that says the Canto version. so ya. its funny how pple mix up the Canto accent and even Canto words with the Mandarin language. especially when they speak both and sometimes more of one, most often Canto, and less of mandarin. u gotta hear it for urself, i cant describe it here.

but yeah. the ccf has really been a blessing to me ever since i came, with a welcome dinner the next day i came. and so many sessions thru the week. i dun feel alone at all. and even when i do, i'm not, because i believe God's always with me. my family and hopefully, friends back in singapore, praying for me. how many people can say that? and i've yet to count my other blessings. which are really overflowing. and i only have God to thank for that.

so remember, anytime u feel sad or depressed abt ur life, count ur blessings, not what u dun have, but what u dun have. and what worse case situations or scenarios u could've gotten into. and u will know, ur not that bad. most importantly, do it with an optimistic thinking. dunno what is optimism? smile even when u dun wan to. and even when its hard to. i know its fake. but it'll brighten up ur world. trust me, i've been thru army, took away my freedom, at least for the period until my sergeant course almost ended and had a stupid tailbone injury, but yeah, still wasnt easy. and then, the smile worked for me. so unless ur imprisoned or in deep waters that could mean death, i dunno why u are feeling depressed. maybe because u make urself feel miserable till the point of death. and still, if ur going to heaven, why do u fear death? and why would u want to live on earth, which aint even 1/1000000000000000000000000000000000000++++ as good as where u can go? but if u dunno ur purpose of living and u feel like u live just to die, worry, worry till u shit in ur pants, because what if, there really is heaven? go and find out more about life facts at

http://www.everystudent.com/

i'm sure u can find ur answer. or like me, i've yet to check that website out, but i've better references that i believe in, the Bible and Jesus.

really hope to update u guys more about my life. but thats all i'm going for now. enough for u to read already i believe. take care. and God bless.

pen off..

yellowcard