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Monday, June 02, 2008
6/02/2008 03:52:00 AM

hey guys, i guess i owe an official apology to all of u including her...

not because i felt i wrote something wrong, but because i feel that i didnt write something u guys want to read...

i'm sorry that this blog isnt about what pple want to hear but its about what i want to say, and my honest feelings about every matter. if u know me, u know Cliff only tells the truth, only the hard cold truth. and if u want the truth, thats when u come to this blog. because its my blog, its not urs. and if u dont like it, dont read it. what are u wasting ur time on trying to understand what i have to read, when u dont bother to come and understand me urself, dont bother to talk to me urself, dont bother to establish a proper relationship that is based on TRUST by urself. and instead, u hear what pple have to say, spread stuff about what u think its about, without trying to hear what i have to say. and this is what i have to say, if u think "oh, so Cliff is like that"...i apologise again, maybe u never really understood me.

so i hope those that dont really care, should stop reading this by ABOUT NOW. dont waste ur time. and if u plan to waste ur time, then dont come to conclusions too fast.

i guess what i want to talk about, seemingly is the hot topic on my blog recently. its called SUICIDE. stupid topic. but i dont mind air-ing my views about it. and those that want to go to law or the court about me talking about such stuff. hmmm...on what basis? but do u know what u can go to law about? abuse of drugs, committing suicide or even attempting suicide is enough to say that a law suit can be filed. at least in my case, because both seems to be stupid acts of things pple do when they dont know how to appreciate their lives. i thought it was a secondary sch thingy that pple slit their wrists and stuff, apparently, no!...guess what? the older and suppposedly, more mature pple do it too.

i wouldnt say christians do it, but i guess some do. maybe because they dont really know what they believe in. Living for God. ur life is not ur own, when u think its ur own, then u are corrupting what God planned for u, and taking it into ur own hands, and dont blame anyone then when things go wrong, and things get screwed up.

and apparently, there are more stupid pple that pity pple that want to commit suicide. these pple dont need ur sympathy, what they need is a WAKEUP CALL. and the true meaning of LIFE.

i'm talking about suicide here, because its so stupid with all the stuff happening in the world. pple have lives taken away from them in earthquakes and tsunamis, and there are pple begging to hold onto their lives when that happens. but if only then do they understand how much they should appreciate their lives, its too late. and the phrase if used in this situation is brutal. "u only learn to appreciate things when u lose them". its really too late, u've lost ur life.

and here u are giving away ur lives, when u easily can use ur life to help others save their lives, going out into the world to save the lost, isnt that what we christians are suppose to do? and i think its TERRIBLY selfish to commit suicide, with the knowledge of salvation. u have the blessing of God's grace upon u, u've heard the good news, and now u r not going to continue to pass it on, and instead, u not only run away from the world, but u take that precious gift with u, without understanding what it really meant to be saved and to CREATED FOR A REASON.

even without putting christianity in the context, u can have goals like volunteering to help stuff like the earthquakes and stuff. working to earn money to salvage such pple and help them start their lives again. but u choose not to help them, but end ur own life. not only not offering help, but saying that the LIFE they are holding onto no matter what they've been through, the hope they have in life, means nothing to you.

picture this. A scientist creating a robot for the usage of maybe, pathetically, just taking up space and sadly, just someone that is there so that the scientist feels like someone is around. the only thing the robot can do is just say Hi everytime it feels the scientist's presence in this place. okay thats pathetic but yeah, u dont see how much it means for the scientist to just feel acknowledged. what seems small to u, can be alot to a lonely scientist. but thats besides the point.

instead of serving its purpose, the robot stops saying Hi, choose to self Destruct by banging himself against the wall or something, does not acknowledge his purpose and just self-destructs. how would this scientist feel? he made him with effort, and he made him to serve a purpose, but it didnt recognise its worth and its purpose, but instead, self-destructed. i think this scientist would feel very sad about it.

okay, a very stupid story, but how about this story, someone called God. high above. uses 6 days just to make everything in the world, perfectly suited for the creation of all time - men. and women of course. He knew every one of them to the number of hairs they had on their head. had great plans for them. but they disobeyed Him. He must have felt sad, but somehow He still offered His only son for them. going thru everything of the crucifixion(read about it, i dont think any of u would want to go thru it). all of that, for you. just to save you. and now, ur response is that u dont want ur life. no matter for what reason.

if u think ur life serves no purpose, its because u are not seeking it and u've not found it.

if u think ur life is sucky, think about those in Sichuan, and count your blessings.

if u think ur life is screwed up, do something about it. maybe because you're holding too much by urself. it wasnt meant to be that way. the bible says only with God, do we become perfect. maybe its because u should submit to higher authority, because ur not worthy of this life anyways.

no matter what happens in ur life, know u didnt deserve to live in the first place, and know that God only allows it to happen for a reason.

and if u think ur life is meaningless because u just broke up with ur bf, because ur life is based on it, because ur happiness is based on it, because ur life is so screwed up, only relying on him, do u feel fulfilled, when you have God in ur life, and that is what u should base ur happiness on, base ur life on, and what fulfills u. ur pathetic. again, ur not counting ur blessings, either that, or u need to get ur life together.

but ya, through every thing that happens in ur life, u can see which are ur true friends, while u can figure out which are there when things go well, but when things go bad, they turn their backs on u. or maybe u thought they were your friends. but to them, u werent anything.

i really believe friendship itself is based on trust, trusting that no matter what the other does, u will always be beside him/her, even if they are wrong, u will go through it with them, knowing they had a reason for doing things that way. knowing that if anything is needed to be change or something, those are the flaws they have, and accept them the way they r.

but what i dont think friendship is is when u talk behind their backs, u dont come to them to ask for clarifications of things u dont believe they did, but instead, just hear what pple have to say. and come to conclusions like that. what i dont think friendship is or what more brothers in Christ and sisters in Christ are, are those that talk behind ur back, discuss bad things about u, neglect ur good points, encourage others to change their mindsets about u, gossiping about u, not trusting anything u say, say they will support u, but end up leaving u, turning their backs on u.

i dont know. but i live by my own beliefs. my belief of being a friend whenever i can, to anyone. even if they hate me, no matter what they think of me. showing love more to pple that say stuff that are bad about me. choose to love those that pple think are wrong to love. do things pple might think is wrong, but is what i think is right, and keep doing it, because thats my belief.

i dont serve pple or love pple because i'm worthy to do so, none of us are. none of us are worthy of life. but since i'm given the gift of love, and the gift of life, i'm not going to waste it, not going to think i dont deserve it and live in self pity, instead, i'm going to be filled with joy because of the grace that God has given me. i only listen to one person, that is God. and God doesnt teach me to keep quiet when ur religion is insulted, He doesnt teach me to keep silent when my beliefs are insulted, He doesnt teach me to please pple for everything i do, and He absolutely, doesnt teach me to waste my life and live it in vain. i'll do whatever i can to protect my beliefs. and committing suicide as a christian, i'm totally against it.

its my fault for promising u everything when i was in a relationship with u, its my fault for making u feel life is better just because u r with me, its my fault to make u think i'm going all the way to marriage in the relationship, its my fault that i cant accept the age gap, its my fault for not doing proper closure in the relationship. i admit everything to the relationship, i admit its my fault and i owe u an apology. but what i do not admit, and what triggered off this bomb that is going off in my blog is this, ITS NOT MY FAULT U ARE ATTEMPTING SUICIDE ON MY CASE. AND ITS NOT MY FAULT U DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT AND HOW TO APPRECIATE LIFE. AND ITS NOT MY FAULT IN FINAL, FOR EVERYTHING U ARE DOING THAT I DONT AGREE WITH PRIOR TO THE BREAKUP. and i wont allow silence in myself without a say in this issue. especially when ur a christian. and supposedly a devoted one.

i've said my part, i promise not to talk about this anymore. its enough on my nerves to continue bragging about it. and its ur life, i've said my part and i've done my part. if u think i should be compassionate and nice like the rest and say "oh, poor thing..dont live ur life that way"..ur wrong, what u need is not that, its a real hard wakeup call. that i hope gets to ur head.

i dont really care what pple say, i dont get affected by what pple say. if they plan to make me feel bad, they plan to make me feel guilty of stuff i dont think was wrong, i'm not falling for that. because this is me, thats how i'm different. whether u like it or not.

pen off.

yellowcard